A Dark Discussion with Aku
by Mr. Cloak
Summary: Season 4, episode 9 one-shot bunny that WOULDN'T GO AWAY! Includes time travel, paradoxes, and talking. Lots of talking. Remember- things are not what they seem. Ever. Rated T for violence vs robots.


A Samurai Jack one-shot, inspired by season 4 episode 9, and infected one of the many plot bunnies I keep around, causing it to go rabid and start gnawing on the walls of my mind. I had to get it out before I could work on CotV. It is mostly OU initially, then goes a bit odd...

Oh, and for those of you interested in tropes I like to play with, this one is 'Dark Lord Reasonable', where the villain is way more than anyone really understands- or can understand.

Oh, and remember- shapeshifting!

Anyway, enjoy!

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><p><strong>A Dark Discussion with Aku<strong>

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><p>"Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shape-shifting master of darkness, unleashed an Unspeakable evil... But a foolish samurai warrior wielding a magic sword struck forth to oppose me. Insert break here."<p>

The tall shape leaned back in his chair, flame patterns cornering the walls, ceiling, floor, and pretty much everything else within his bastion of evil. With a slight cough, he resumed his monologue.

"Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time, and flung him into the future, where my evil is law. Now the fool seeks to return to the past (I think), and undo the future that is Aku... Yeah, as if that could ever happen. End dictation."

Aku, the shapeshifting master of darkness, was bored- an uncommon thing these last few months. So bored, he found himself make memoirs of his time- usually a monologue, but more and more his monologues turned into ranting about the foolish samurai warrior. He always started off the same way, however, and since he had reached the current day, he decided to wait and see what plan he could cook up for his samurai opponent... Something worthy of himself, Aku, the master of darkness.

In the last century or so, since he grasped the world, and truly dominated it, this state of boredom had become rather common. Rebellions were fewer and further between, and most people didn't even understand why the rebels were fighting him anymore.

Then that foolish samurai warrior arrived. His appearance caused massive ripples, forcing people to think for themselves (something he, Aku, had failed at), and they began to question why he, Aku, the shapeshifting master of darkness, was ruling them. From the awakened dog-people (one of his most promising creations until they turned to stagnation), to the Woollies (an alien species that landed on Earth some 5 centuries ago), they began to question.

And with the questions, came answers... Ones that he, Aku, would make sure they didn't like.

Rebellions, although costly and inefficient when there was only one weapon on this planet that could harm one such as he, Aku, were amusing diversions that he, Aku, made sure to cultivate. The 'secret' rebel bases would receive money, weapons, and blueprints that would make them more interesting, and stave off the monotony of an immortal life.

"What is that fool doing now?"

Several AI-linked spy satalites homed in on the tracker in the samurai's robe, and within seconds, a picture of a single figure, walking slowly through the grasslands of Africa appeared.

Aku seated himself on his throne, and watched the man slowly walk through the desolate plains.

For about ten seconds.

His eyes narrowed, horn-like protrusions sharpening as he became more and more agitated. This spying thing was boring.

Great. Now he felt even more bored... And he still had to play out the script!

Eyebrows smoldering like two flames (yes, his eyebrows are on fire), Aku through about the many ways he knew he could kill Samurai Jack. He had several nuclear weapons, his own magic, orbital drop rods (called the rods of God by the Imakanji before he destroyed their only working spaceport- not that they really cared, damn cat-things), as well as many, many biological weapons. But none of those would be entertaining for long.

His eyes wandered across his lair, to his phone, and the coupons stacked next to it. One of the coupons, the (maybe) fifth-down one, had a bounty hunter add on it, as well as a well established pizza-and-hot wings joint.

With a single, deliberate motion (he needed to be somewhat deliberate, as with near-god-mode power he could break things just by thinking about them too hard), he, Aku, picked up the telephone and dialed the bounty hunters organization.

As soon as he heard the dial tone, he, Aku, the shapeshifting master of darkness, began laughing.

"Bwahahahahaha..." The phone on the other end picked up.

"Welcome to the Gory Demise Bounty-Hunting organization. Most of our dispatchers are with clients. Can you hold?" The voice was humanoid, female, and incredibly sultry.

Hm... He, Aku, thought. I have wanted to form that better voice for my female morph in any case. May as well use hers. "Yes, I can hold." He settled back in his chair of frozen flames, and waited.

Damn elevator music.

After a few minutes, the woman was on the line again. "Thank you for waiting- we had to clean up a mess as one of the bountie-ers was unwilling to pay. Now, what can we do for you?"

"Yes, I would like to place an order for delivery."

"One target, dead. Who is commissioning the bounty?"

"Aku."

"Are you in the system?"

"... I'm in the computer."

"Aku, the shapeshifting master of darkness, lord of the ten hells, darkest wizard on the planet, and destroyer of the old world? Consistent bounties on one Samurai Jack?"

"Yes, that's it. I'd like a large..."

"We have a special on several of our mercenaries today. Mostly just meat shields."

"...Uh? What?"

"You know- dumb muscle. Extra-thick skull for crushing people."

"Extra thick!"

"Yessir. And he will arrive in less than thirty minutes or it's free!"

"Excellent!" No longer able to contain his evil laughter, he started laughing. Again. "Hahahahahahahah!..."

The lady on the other side had hung up the phone, and he stopped laughing, his face complete dumbfounded- no-one had had the audacity to hang up on Aku before, but... Oh well. He had a bounty hunter to await.

No soone had he hung up the phone before one of entrance portals to his sanctum buzzed, indicating someone was waiting there to be let in.

With the sound of tearing space-time (a sort of electronic explosion noise), the 'someone' appeared in front of Aku's throne.

He, Aku, the shapeshifting master of darkness, knew exactly how expensive bounty hunters could be, and was delighted to see that he had arrived early.

"You're early!"

The being was a full ten feet taller than Aku in his thrown. Large sharp teeth jutted from a mouth the size of an inter-city bus, and two small horns jutted from the creatures pink head. It had two eyes, white pupils and green sclera, and they both pointed in different directions.

It was hardly moving or reacting to anything he, Aku, said to it. "I suppose you know why you are here."

The giant said nothing, forcibly reminding him that the creature couldn't even be properly called sentient by most definitions of the word.

"Right. Let me refresh your memory." He surged upwards in height, bring the creature's attention to a screen just above his throne. "KILL SAMURAI JACK!"

With a deafening roar, the creature was teleported back outside, got in it's slightly-too-small car, and sped away in search of the nearest mid-range teleport facility.

* * *

><p>-two hours later-<p>

Samurai Jack strode through the grasslands contentedly. He finally knew where he had to go, to access one of the many time portals that seemed scattered across the lands.

Hopefully, this one wouldn't strand him in the even more distant future, he thought, right before he heard a puttering sound.

He glanced to the side, to see a very large car, with an even larger being squeezed inside it. It glared, then tried to burst out of the car.

Thankfully, the car had been built to much greater standards than one would have originally assumed, and it failed to explode like a paper bag filled with fireworks.

The massive being grumbled, and gingerly opened the door, to get out. A regular-sized key fob was gingerly fished out of a pocket the size of a two-car garage, and the giant gingerly pressed a button.

The car promptly beeped once, and was silent.

With a somewhat sheepish expression (although it was hard to tell, as the scale between Jack and the giant was so different- not to mention his head was not as human as it had first seemed), the giant walked right back over to where Jack had moved to.

And roared.

Jack, unfazed by the sheer volume of the noise (although his hat did fly off), drew his sword, and crouched. As soon as the roar stopped, he jumped into the air, on a perfect parabolic arc, and sliced the giant's head in half.

With a bang, the giant exploded.

Jack continued on his way, with only a slight deviation to collect his hat.

* * *

><p>-back in the throne room-<p>

"STUPID..."

* * *

><p>- a few hours later, back in the grasslands-<p>

Jack looked up as he heard a loud whistling sound, and barely managed to get out of the way of a titanic robot landing. Retreating to a safe distance, he pulled out his sword in preparation for the coming battle.

The robot's singular eye stared at him for a second, then, from out of it's chest, a collapsible cannon extended.

And kept extending.

After ten seconds of extension, the cannon was less than an inc from Jack's sword, and the barrel had shrank to the diameter of a sewing needle. With a tiny 'puff' noise, a speck of sand came out of the long cannon, and bounced off Samurai Jack's sword.

Jack glanced at the sword, puzzled, and then snapped his eyes up as he saw the robot become overbalanced, and crash onto it's back, legs struggling feebly to right itself.

* * *

><p>-in the throne room of Aku, the master of darkness... Again...-<p>

"STUPID BOUNTY HUNTERS!" Aku had taken to yelling at the screen. It was slightly more satisfying than accidentally destroying his lunch- orphan sushi with Caesar salad- in a range-induced pulse of magic.

* * *

><p>-an hour later, in the grasslands, a mile and half away from the upended robot-<p>

Samurai Jack was continuing his walk. The wind was brisk, the sun was shining, and the air felt just right- until the horde of several thousand robots appeared less than a mile away.

He frowned, and faced the horde, drawing his sword in a practiced manner.

The army of robots was vast, and every single robot seemed to be carrying the same weapons- a sword, shield. And... That was it.

Jack settled into a stance- if the horde attacked him, the battle, though simple, would be long and exhausting. He began to develop plans on how to fight the horde when the impossible happened.

It started with a rock. A single rock that one of the robots tripped on. As it tripped, the robot's sword sliced the head and upper torso of the robot in front of it in half, causing that robot to explode. Pieces of exploding robot scythed through the ranks, causing dozens of other robots to explode. Flying swords decapidated robots, while shrapnel penetrated their shells and caused even more explosions.

Jack watched in awe as the entire horde seemed to systematically reduce itself to rubble.

Out of the clouds of smoke that multiple exploding robots had caused, one single untouched survivor walked. As soon as it got within arm's reach of Jack, however, a sword that had been shot into the air from a previous exploding robot, cut clean through the advancing droid like a buzz saw.

The last robot of the horde exploded, and knocked Jack's hat off.

Jack sheathed his sword, picked up his hat, and continued on his way.

* * *

><p>-in the throne room of Aku, the master of darkness, who has been observing everything happening to Jack...-<p>

Aku stared at the robotic carnage he had just witnessed, then slumped onto his throne. "If you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself..."

It was as if a light came on!

"Do it myself?" Aku stroked his beard of fire for a moment. "Perhaps. Although, the problem isn't necessarily Jack." The problem, of course, was boredom. Maintaining his control over this world took time and effort he didn't want to spend anymore- it was too routine. Then a sly thought occurred to Aku, and he grinned. "Maybe I can persuade him to work with me..."

Aku gripped the fabric of reality, and pulled, causing himself to vanish with the crack of displaced air.

* * *

><p>-out on the grasslands-<p>

Samurai Jack had continued his walk. Not even three kilometers away from the remains of the robot army, he heard a loud crack to his left, and saw the one person he had never expected to see out here. "Aku!"

Aku clasped his hands behind his back. "Yes, it is I, Samurai Jack. How incredibly observant you are..."

You could cut the sarcasm with a knife.

Jack drew his sword, and ran at his mortal foe with a battle cry.

"Oh, put that thing away, samurai."

Jack stopped running- Aku had never tried this before.

"We both know what's going to happen... You'll swing your sword, I'll fly away, and I'll probably say something like 'I'll be back, Samurai!' And then I'll flutter off over the horizon, and we won't see each other for about a week." This speech was complete with somewhat condescending hand gestures. "Then we'll do the same thing again next week."

"Your word-play will not trick me villain!" Jack's jump was perfectly aimed, to cut his foe in half from crown to toe.

"No, Wait!" Aku, with a puff of smoke, turned into a small bat, causing the sword strike to miss by several feet. "I'll be back again samurai, you'll see! Ahahahahahaha..." He flew out of sight, voice echoing.

Jack rubbed his chin, trying to find a way to exploit this. He was so lost in thought that Aku was able to teleport under his hat- which had been left on the ground from his initial jump.

"See what I mean?" Aku was rather smug.

With a practiced motion, Jack sheathed his katana. "Alright Aku, what is this about?"

"A discussion!"

"A what?" Jack was a bit confused.

Aku sat down, cross-legged on the ground bringing his height down to only two stories, rather the the normal five. "A discussion. You know- where we both try to describe our points of view to each other. Justify ourselves, and persuade the other. We could settle this conflict once and for all! No armies! No bounty hunter! And, most importantly, no swords"

Jack was understandably nervous. "No sword..."

Aku grinned. "How do you reply, samurai..."

Jack drew his sword, and stared at it. Then, sheathing his sword again, the samurai spoke. "Very well! But you will adhere to three conditions!"

Aku smiled wider- if he could get the human to at least be willing to listen, he could probably convince him. "Name them."

Jack wasn't expecting Aku to still be grinning. "One: no super-human powers."

Aku shrugged. He couldn't exactly use them for a debate- his powers were more of the shapeshifting, 'zap', and 'explosion' sort anyway.

"Two! No evil minions to assist you."

Aku nodded.

"And three: no shapeshifting. You come in human form."

Aku's smile got even wider, but he still had to protest. "Hey- that was four things!"

"The last one was a two-parter."

Aku chuckled. "I accept! We shall meet before the rising sun, at the ancient ruins before the valley of the corpses!"

"Agreed." Jack paused for a moment, before "Is that east or west of the Crimson Hall of the Ogre?"

"East."

"Right..."

"You know where that is?" Aku looked skeptical.

"Yes yes... I will find it. Do not worry."

"You sure?"

"Don't worry. I remember now."

"I can give you a ride if you-"

"I will find it!"

"The I'll see you there." Aku turned to go.

"In human form."

"What?" Aku turned back, to see the samurai staring at him.

"In human form. I'll see you there, in human form."

"Got it. Don't forget- no sword!"

Jack was sweating. "Right.."

Aku sighed. "By the way, Jack, do you know what a deadpan snarker is?"

"A what?"

"Nevermind. I'll see you there, in human form." Aku turned into a bird, and shot off, hitting high-altitude before teleporting to his base again.

* * *

><p>-in the ancient ruins, past the valley of the corpses, just east of the Crimson Hall of the Ogre, and twenty minutes to dawn the next day-<p>

Jack had been meditating all night, on possible battle plans, double-crosses, and other potential ways Aku might try to get the upper hand in a potential confrontation... But then his thoughts drifted back to the fact that Aku wanted to talk with him. Speaking was not Jack's strong suit, and he knew it. However, he was honorable, and he would give his enemy a chance to explain why he did what he did. A repetitive noise came to his attention, and Jack looked up from his meditations in time to see one of Aku's hover-cars coming in for a landing.

It was a limo model, so long, black, and unmistakably high-tech, with the crest of the World Government on the hood (the planet, on a background of black reflective etching). No sooner had it landed than Jack received the biggest shock of the day.

A gorgeous woman stepped out of the limo. Slightly green skin, black dress, and piercing eyes caused Jack to freeze in fear and anger.

No sooner had the limo lifted off than the woman walked over to a hidden compartment built into a pillar, and pulled out a folding table, a few chairs, and a portable cooler. With smooth, elegant motions, she set up the chairs and table, and pulled out a bottle of water and a bottle of wine. "If I remember correctly, you are a water person, right Jack?"

Jack blinked. "Yes... Ikra"

She sat down, opened the bottle of wine, and poured a glass into a crystal flute she had pulled from the cooler. "Oh, come on Jack. No need to stand on theatrics- you wanted me here in human form, and you got me here in human form." She took a sip, and grinned, sharp teeth briefly visible. "Well, more or less."

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><p>The discussion hadn't really started off well. Jack was glaring, and Aku, in that female form, was sipping wine (which had, somehow, gotten a raspberry to float in the glass at some point). Neither were talking for the first few hours, and Aku eventually decided to start the conversation.<p>

"So, Jack, why are you fighting me?"

Jack seemed to scowl even harder. "You know why, demon wizard."

Her eyebrow twitched. "Witch at the moment, and no- not really."

"Fine. You destroyed my home, and countless lives in the past, and now I seek for a way back, to change this future."

Aku daintily placed her glass on the table before proceeding to laugh hysterically. After a minute or so, she calmed down. "Seriously? I thought my intelligence operatives were taking the piss on that one. You want to go back in time and effect the past to prevent the present that you are living now from happening?"

Jack's scowl lessened, but didn't dissipate. Ikra/Aku managed to be rather pleasing to the ear in that form, even if he would not admit it out loud. "Yes."

Aku rubbed her forehead. "Ok, genius hero. Let me ask you a question."

"Go ahead."

"If you were sent forward to the now- I know you did, as I sent you-, and you manage to successfully go back in time, and change this future, how did you go back in time?"

"... What?"

"Let me start from the beginning." Aku drew a simple circle in the sand using a stillleto-shoed foot. "This is the present." She drew another circle, a few centimeters to the left. "This is the past, where I sent you from." She drew an arrow connecting the past to the present. "And this is the timeline where you have failed to thwart me-"

"I am destined to defeat you!"

"No, you are a child who has no idea what powers you are working with. Now pay attention." She drew a line arcing over the arrow, going from the past to the present. "This is the timelike-like path you took to get from the past to the present. With me so far?"

"I... Think so."

"Right. Now, since I sent you into the present from the past, you were not part of the timeline that happened to reach this present." She drew a tiny stylized version of his hat on the arching line. "When you got here, you learned things, saw events, and lived through trials, right?"

"Yes..."

"And you agree that you are more advanced than the you that first arrived in the present time?"

"I guess..."

"Great! That means that this present is now part of your past." Aku smirked slightly. "If you tried to go back, you would have closed a timelike curve-" she drew another line, this time going from the present to the past, "- and forcing what happened to remain what happened, with no room for flexibility."

Jack looked at the diagram. "I don' follow."

Aku sighed, and took another sip of wine. "By going into the 'future'," she did the air quotes, "you made this 'future' an intrinsic part of your last. If you went back, you would only be able to do things such that it caused this specific future to exist, as it already has happened."

The samurai's head began to throb. "So what you are telling me, is since I know what happens now, I cannot go back and prevent it from happening?"

"That is an accurate, if not simplistic, summary."

Jack took a long drink of the water on the table. It was cold, and tasted very, very clean. "The thing is, I don't believe you."

Aku leaned forward. "Unfortunately, since I am bound to not use any powers during this discussion, a test will have to wait." She took another sip of wine. "So- why don' you ask me a question?"

Jack placed his water bottle on the table. "Very well. Why did you destroy my home and take over the world? And what are you planning to do now that you have taken over the planet?"

With a sigh, Aku put down her glass. "That is a rather complicated answer, so get comfortable- this may take a while."

* * *

><p>Do you know how I was born Jack? Don't answer, that's a trick question. I wasn't born, per say, I was created. Rather accidentally, I might add.<p>

Hundreds of millions of years ago, the first intelligent species, the XeeLee, tried to begin experiments with time-travel. As a very advanced race, both magically and in the scientific arts, they managed to create a being that could exist across all directions of time- up, down, left, right, forwards and backwards in time.

Don't ask me what going left or down in time means- you don't have the background information to understand multi-level temporal mechanics if you have trouble understanding a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Where was I- oh yeah, the XeeLee. So they created this entity, and the entity struck out on them, killing them in an instant. The loss of a dozen billion beings in an instant is something every sentient being in the universe, at the time felt.

Including the being that the XeeLee had created.

All beings that acquire power from belief, mostly gods, felt the sudden loss as millions of their believers ceased to exist, and rushed to contain the malevolent entity.

Let's call them gods for the sake of simplicity.

The being had fed off the impact the XeeLee's death made in the timeline, as it had been able to exist across time by design, and so went looking for more worlds to destroy.

The gods the first, and only, coordinated effort to contain the being, and, as every sentient being believed they could do so, the collective efforts of the gods were able to keep the being at bay.

The battle raged for millions upon millions of years.

Intelligent civilizations rose, fell, and were replaced, keeping the gods fed and powerful enough to slowly, push the dark being back.

However, one tiny piece of the being was severed during an assault, and missed by the gods who guarded the fight (they were too weak for anything else).

Over time the dark being was contained, constrained, and destroyed, and almost all of the shards were accounted for.

At least, I think that is what happened.

See, I know only up until the shard of the dark being was severed- I have no real memories relating to the events after that point.

Anyway, I floated through the void for an incredibly long time, and eventually landed on this planet. Keep in mind, however, I was not 'Aku, the master of darkness' at the time. I didn't have a mind, nor a consciousness or awareness of my own. I merely had a hunger... A hunger to devour all intelligent life, and feed off the loss that the time stream felt as it shifted to compensate for the impossible.

Now hush- I am getting to the good part.

I was found as a pool of darkness, surrounded by dead plants and animals. I was eating anything and everything that I could- and I came upon a human settlement in my growth. I killed them all, and eventually word must have spread to your father, because he came to destroy me.

It wasn't a bad plan- he had an arrow, dipped in poison, and with an entire religion and people believing in him, I could indeed, and was, effected by his weapon.

The weapon could kill any man, any animal, or any plant. I, however, was none of those things. Their belief struggled, and when I was exposed to it, I absorbed it- like anything else. It was the best, or worst thing that could happen, depending on your perspective.

I gained awareness, and a mind. Through that, I was able to understand the beings I preyed upon- and I reached into his mind. From that I took language, form, and mannerisms, becoming 'Aku, the master of darkness' in all reality. Any attempt to devour the world was changed to a desire to rule over it, as any conquerer, and enforce my will upon them.

Because of my nature, I ended up enforcing this reality upon the time stream, becoming the being they felt I should be.

I fulfilled all their expectations. As such, I began to conquer and subjugate the land, forcing the people to kneel to me, in exchange for safety, security, and the profits of am expanding empire.

Oh, don give me that look. I know you know that expanding empires are a great source of profit to the people within the empire.

Anyway, I was such a threat that your father commission the sword that you have hidden... Somewhere around here, I would guess. It could harm me, sort of, as long as there was someone who believed it could.

I was defeated, and locked into a prison of sorts- evil never really dies, so I ended up immobile, for decades.

Through these decades, I thought about what I would do, and asking myself what I really wanted. In answer- I didn't know.

So when I woke up, I decided to neutralize the first threat on this world that I knew of- your father and your sword.

Yatta yatta, I destroy your home, I conquer, you grow up, we meet, and I send you forward in time.

While you were traveling peacefully outside of time, I was working my ass off. Establishing governments, keeping politicians working, promoting trade, conquering- although I will admit that the conquering was the easiest, and least painful, of my pursuits. Eventually, I took over the planet, and, using our resources, managed to get humans to their moon.

That sparked an explosion- we started mining asteroids; massive rocks in space, and building all sorts of large and complicated structures.

Remind me to show you the orbital tether system some time. It's really cool.

Anyway, we got to other planets in our solar system, and I, being the ambitious being I am, decided to go ahead to other worlds, and introduce humanity to the other developing intelligent races.

That back-fired spectacularly.

In two years we had invasion fleets knocking at our door. In ten we had fought them off, and now had to deal with colonists coming to land on our 'peaceful' planet.

In fifty years humanity was a minority on our own homeworld.

I say 'our' because, despite my origins, I am as human as you are. Hell- I have even had families in the three thousand years I have been gone. All of them have been killed by 'freedom fighters' or 'religious warriors' of some flavor or other.

Sorry, I got off topic there.

Anyway, a century of colonization by everyone who wants to, because even I have limited resources on the patrolling every square mile of this rock, brings us to the time when you returned to the time stream.

You go about, bringing hope and joy to people that have been oppressed by me, and the hope that you will eventually kill me. However, most of those non-humans you have helped have less than... Cordial intentions.

I am capable of splitting the moon (and did so once to keep an invasion fleet away), and I need to keep that power, otherwise humanity would be forced off their homeworld- and I don't want that.

I am kind of fond of humanity- oh, I said that already? Well, sorry for having a preference for which species I have been trying to help!

In any case, I have been trying to make conditions on this planet hostile for any non-native to this planet, so that humanity can grow again, while taking the tech and knowledge of other species to allow us to keep our power base.

* * *

><p>Aku sat back, took another sip of wine, and grinned at the dumbstruck look on Jack's face as he tried to process the information. "Any other questions?"<p>

"No..." Jack took a deep gulp of water- the day was heating up, and they had not picked a shady location.

"Then let me ask one- will you join me?"

Jack almost choked on the water he was drinking before he got control of his composure again. "Why should I?"

"Since you cannot go back without risking a paradoxical temporal event, and most of the native human and Terran populations count you as a hero, you could inspire them to become more than they are now!" She grinned, eyes glowing. "And together, we could lead humanity to the stars, and I can finally learn what happened to the original being I was created from."

Jack frowned. "I don't know..."

Aku looked briefly put out, before she suddenly smiled. "Oh, I know- I send you back to the past!"

"Excuse me?"

"I could send you back, carrying an 'updated' piece of myself, which, when added to my past self, would allow me to update to my present self."

"... I will assume that makes sense."

"Oh, indeed..." She purred. "Now, if you are willing to agree to help me, I will try to set things up so that your family- the ones that you discovered working in my crystal mines all those millennia ago, would be free, and part of my growing empire!"

"Didn't you say this might cause a paradox?"

"Yes... But I can make sure that what happens to you is measured enough that you become changed to be who you are when the time portal is to be sending you back-"

"Stop! Stop. This is giving me a headache." A vein visibly throbbed on Jack's forehead. "I accept your deal."

"EXCELLENT! Mwahahaha!" A nimbus of power flared into existence around Aku, and, with a single finger, she tore open a tear in time. With her other hand, she pulled off a strand of hair, which formed into a ring large enough to encircle her wrist. Within it's band, flickered red, black, and green flame. "Step through, and throw this at me- the past me, I mean. I will update and contain all the knowledge I need to prevent the paradox, while keeping our bargain."

Jack took the ring gingerly, and, with a deep breath, prepared to step through the vortex that was the time portal.

Aku held up a hand. "Wait- It might be dangerous! Take this!" Jack's sword, with sheathe,exploded from the sand a few feet away, and the samurai buckled it on.

Jack took another deep breath, and stepped into the swirling portal.

The tear fused shut a few seconds later.

Aku waved a hand, causing the table, drinks, and chairs, to disappear in a flash of white flame. "Cleanup made easy. You can come out now."

A figure shimmered into view, standing on one of the pillars. "I am surprised I didn't detect my presence."

Jack looked the same as he did three thousand years ago, when Aku first taught him to control his body using the dark powers he was gifted when Aku noticed his trusted lieutenant was aging. He epitomized the brutality, power, skill, and control a human could have, wearing a red and black hakama, and his sword, the once holiest of holy blades, corrupted into a dark twin of it's old self. He grinned- bring evil meant great dentistry. "Although, I shouldn't be too critical of myself- it took such a while to get things working, after all."

Aku rolled her eyes. "You have been waiting to use that one, haven't you?

Jack jumped to the ground. "Of course. Ever since I married you, really."

Aku dusted some dirt off her shoulder- displays of power tended to make the place a bit more messy than one would expect. "Come on then- I still want to show you the orbital tether system.."

Both samurai and dark ruler turned into back flame, speckled with red, and shot off into the distance at mind-boggling speeds.

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><p>Hope you all enjoyed the one-shot! I know I cetainly did so! Please review, favorite, subscribe, and all arhat jazz!<p> 


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